Memorial Day, I believe, was originally declared a holiday so that we could honor those who had fought for our country. At some point it became a time when we could honor those people we loved who had passed away. As a child I remember trips to the cemetery to put flowers on the graves of people that were in my family, but many of whom I had never even met. It was a time to remember them and to honor them by decorating their graves.
Today, I wonder how many people even know that it is a day to remember and honor. It seems that it has become a day to shop. The newspaper is full of ads declaring Memorial Day sales. It has also become a day to grill out. There is an entire section in the paper about local butchers and cuts of meat for grilling as well as recipes for making all sorts of delicious grilled dinners.
For some it has become a time to get a three or four day weekend in at the lake. When I lived on Grand Lake, Memorial Day weekend was the official beginning of the “weekenders” who came to our lake and our town for the specific purpose of partying hard and leaving exhausted and sunburned. It sort of “kicked off” the season which goes until Labor Day in September.
I don’t think that any of these activities are bad. Some of them bring family and friends together and that is never a bad thing. But, I do wish that we could hold onto the tradition of honoring our loved ones who have passed as well as those who have served our country. If things continue as they are, I'm concerned that we may be only a generation or two away from completely forgetting what this day means.
Since my Mom passed away several years ago Memorial Day has been more significant to me. It makes me sad that I wasn’t there last year and won’t be there this year to put flowers on her grave. Last year I ordered flowers to be placed on her grave. This year, it warmed my heart when my brother called and asked if he could put flowers on her grave for me as well as for him. It brought tears to my eyes, but they were good tears. It is good for him to take this responsibility. Now we share this day, even if I’m not there because we are Connected as we remember our mother and honor her by placing flowers on her grave. I can rest knowing that she will have beautiful flowers that have been lovingly placed at her final resting place.
This is a day when Connections are extremely important. Connections with the people we love and care about that are still living. Connections with our relatives as we share the memories of the ones who have gone before us. Connections with our memories and Connections with those who have fought for our freedom. This day is a very important day, and I hope that in the middle of grilling or shopping or enjoying the lake that each of you will stop for a moment and just remember and allow yourselves to feel your Connections and honor the memories.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Monday, October 19, 2009
Connected Hearts
I read a quote not long ago that went something like this "Making the decision to have a child, is like making the decision to have your heart go walking around outside of your body forever". As the mother of three grown children and the grandmother of four wonderfully adorable grandchildren I can say that this quote is absolutely the truth. My heart is divided between my husband and all of these wonderful people and that we have brought into the world.
Last year my husband and I moved from Oklahoma to Arizona leaving behind our extended families and many beloved friends. Our oldest daughter lived in Kansas City with her husband and children. Our youngest daughter moved to California to attend grad school and our son was in India where he lived for 13 months. For a woman whose greatest desire was to live close enough to her children and grandchildren to have Sunday dinner together each week, that was a lot for me to deal with. I'm happy to report, though, that I did deal with it and I did it with at least a little bit of grace! Why? Because all of our hearts are connected! I discovered a few years ago that distance means very little when your hearts are all connected. I have also known times when we were all in the same room and it felt like we were a million miles apart. Our hearts had lost their connections.
Two years ago Jessica, my youngest daughter, spent a semester in Europe. The day she was to depart from the USA to London is the same day that terrorists had planned an attack on planes flying from London to the USA. Until the moment that I made this discovery I was happy for Jessica. But when I learned of this planned attack my heart went cold. Panic arose in me like I have never experienced before. My heart was truly walking around outside of my body and it was about to get on a plane where terrorists might put it's light out forever. I went into a tailspin. I would have done just about anything to keep her off that plane. I never told her she couldn't go, but I pulled out all the stops and used all the mother-guilt I could muster up. Being the child that I raised to protect her boundaries, she didn't fall for any of it! I'm ashamed to admit to all the manipulations that I tried, but it's true! I did it! I was scared half to death and I felt like I had to save my daughter!
She got on the plane, and when she did my heart broke into a million pieces. I know that sounds neurotic, but that's the way I felt! The connection between us was not completely broken, but it was definitely frayed. Neither she nor I were in good spots for the next few weeks. She was such a good little trooper and called home daily just to reassure me. After a few weeks we both felt the strength start to come back into our relationship. I asked her why she thought we had to rip each others hearts out the way we did in order to separate. She answered with more wisdom than her years would suggest,"You were afraid I would never come back, and I was afraid I would never go". Sounds simple doesn't it? It's anything but simple! The fear that I felt caused me to clutch on to her more tightly which caused her to pull away. The connection frayed under the strain, leaving both of us feeling lost and alone.
She spent the rest of the semester mostly in Switzerland, but traveling around a good deal of Europe as well, and I began to understand that distance meant nothing as long as our hearts were connected.
That experience sparked in me a passion that is hard to articulate. I began to notice all the people that walk around in the world disconnected. Many of us are just downright lonely. I first began to notice that women seemed to have a lot of trouble connecting with other women. It seemed that good girlfriends were just hard to find. I have since discovered that many men feel the same loneliness and lack of connection with other men. I have embarked on a course of study on the subject. I was surprised to find so little written on the subject, so I have been asking a lot of questions of the people I know. It has been interesting and I think it will continue to be interesting. I hope to understand and help people that cross my path learn to develop their relationships. So if you want to have your hearts connected to the ones you love and you desire to have strong connections with friends, then come along for the ride and let's see what we discover!
Last year my husband and I moved from Oklahoma to Arizona leaving behind our extended families and many beloved friends. Our oldest daughter lived in Kansas City with her husband and children. Our youngest daughter moved to California to attend grad school and our son was in India where he lived for 13 months. For a woman whose greatest desire was to live close enough to her children and grandchildren to have Sunday dinner together each week, that was a lot for me to deal with. I'm happy to report, though, that I did deal with it and I did it with at least a little bit of grace! Why? Because all of our hearts are connected! I discovered a few years ago that distance means very little when your hearts are all connected. I have also known times when we were all in the same room and it felt like we were a million miles apart. Our hearts had lost their connections.
Two years ago Jessica, my youngest daughter, spent a semester in Europe. The day she was to depart from the USA to London is the same day that terrorists had planned an attack on planes flying from London to the USA. Until the moment that I made this discovery I was happy for Jessica. But when I learned of this planned attack my heart went cold. Panic arose in me like I have never experienced before. My heart was truly walking around outside of my body and it was about to get on a plane where terrorists might put it's light out forever. I went into a tailspin. I would have done just about anything to keep her off that plane. I never told her she couldn't go, but I pulled out all the stops and used all the mother-guilt I could muster up. Being the child that I raised to protect her boundaries, she didn't fall for any of it! I'm ashamed to admit to all the manipulations that I tried, but it's true! I did it! I was scared half to death and I felt like I had to save my daughter!
She got on the plane, and when she did my heart broke into a million pieces. I know that sounds neurotic, but that's the way I felt! The connection between us was not completely broken, but it was definitely frayed. Neither she nor I were in good spots for the next few weeks. She was such a good little trooper and called home daily just to reassure me. After a few weeks we both felt the strength start to come back into our relationship. I asked her why she thought we had to rip each others hearts out the way we did in order to separate. She answered with more wisdom than her years would suggest,"You were afraid I would never come back, and I was afraid I would never go". Sounds simple doesn't it? It's anything but simple! The fear that I felt caused me to clutch on to her more tightly which caused her to pull away. The connection frayed under the strain, leaving both of us feeling lost and alone.
She spent the rest of the semester mostly in Switzerland, but traveling around a good deal of Europe as well, and I began to understand that distance meant nothing as long as our hearts were connected.
That experience sparked in me a passion that is hard to articulate. I began to notice all the people that walk around in the world disconnected. Many of us are just downright lonely. I first began to notice that women seemed to have a lot of trouble connecting with other women. It seemed that good girlfriends were just hard to find. I have since discovered that many men feel the same loneliness and lack of connection with other men. I have embarked on a course of study on the subject. I was surprised to find so little written on the subject, so I have been asking a lot of questions of the people I know. It has been interesting and I think it will continue to be interesting. I hope to understand and help people that cross my path learn to develop their relationships. So if you want to have your hearts connected to the ones you love and you desire to have strong connections with friends, then come along for the ride and let's see what we discover!
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